Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I hope you all had a fun, relaxing, and safe 4th of July.
I took a nice camping trip up to Denali with one of my good friends (Denali is about three hours away from Wasilla, near Fairbanks).
I only stayed one night because I had to get back to my mother, but really I enjoyed my time away from it all.
I went four wheeling, roasted marshmallows, hiked, shared some laughter, and most importantly cleared my head and got away from all the drama that seems to overwhelm my life lately.
After about four hours of fun out on a four-wheeler I finally stopped someplace where there was a clear signal and checked my I-phone. I found that I had received a number of messages, but there was one which caught my attention, immediately made my heart beat faster, and brought a tear to my eye.
The message was from my mother saying that Levi, who has not spoken to us since he rekindled his relationship with Bristol (although we had attempted repeatedly to call or text him), left a message saying that if I did not take my blog down by Wednesday that I would never get to see him, or Tripp, again.
I could not believe it! I thought to myself if he was really willing to make such a threat that he would at least have the decency to call me and talk about it first. I mentioned on my blog repeatedly that my intention was not to hurt or attack the Palins, but to speak out and tell the public my side of the story. As well as how badly my life, and the lives of our family members, had been impacted by our association with the Palins.
It had my mind spinning. How could my brother threaten me like this?
He knows more then anybody how difficult things are, how much I need his help with my mother so I can attend college, and how much I love him and his son.
Why would he let this happen all over again? He denied he was controlled by Bristol, and wasn‘t allowed to talk to me or hangout with me, on the Larry King Show the first time this happened and I had to immediately correct him. And now he is allowing it to happen AGAIN!
My mother and I have always been there for him, and had his back with every decision he has made, whether we agreed with it or not.
Levi knows how much I love him. But for him to allow Bristol to control him and then threaten not talk to me AGAIN is devastating to me, and sadly unsurprising.
I knew this would happen the minute I learned that Levi and Bristol were back together, but when Levi saw me crying about it he promised it would not happen again. Like I said, I knew what was coming.
After I left the Denali campsite I had a long drive ahead of me which was a good thing. It gave me time to think, reevaluate, and try to make sense of this whole thing.
When I was just about home I came to a conclusion. I will not allow myself to be controlled by Bristol Palin like my brother is!
Even if I take my blog down and keep my mouth shut Bristol will not allow Levi and Tripp to be a part of my life. She will always have some excuse.
As much as it hurts to lose the ones who I love so very much, I know in the end they will be back.
I wish Levi could be the man I know he is and have a mind of his own and finally stand his ground, but I guess he is blinded by love. I just wish he would take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
How is it fair that I can’t speak my mind on a blog without Levi threatening to never speak to me again, but Bristol can go on Facebook daily and call me nasty names with no repercussions at all?
In the end all of this back and forth is doing nothing but confusing Tripp and keeping him away from the people who love him. Compared to allowing a little boy to receive love from BOTH sides of his family, our personal issues are petty.
I love you Levi and Tripp, and I will be right here waiting for you to see that MY love comes with no strings attached.
As for you Bristol I am sure this is not the outcome you were hoping for, but you should know that I don’t respond well to threats.
I am moving on with my life, and though I wish my brother would do more to help out with our mom, I know that I am incredibly tough. I have been through a lot in my life so far and I am confident I can manage a job, my mom’s schedule, and college without his help.
I will continue to blog, discussing both my life as well as current events, as I have found that it helps to alleviate my stress and allow me to put aside my problems for at least a little while.
I can go to bed at night knowing that I did everything I could for my family, including Levi and Tripp. I can sleep with a completely clean conscious, though I am not sure that others have that luxury.
To my mother and I family is #1 and blood is thicker than water, and I will always stand by that.
As for this new People magazine article where my brother “Apologizes to the Palins” I am extremely disappointed in him. Not only is he being controlled like a puppet, but saying that all of his comments and stories were lies is absurd!
I know for a fact that all of his comments were true. I lived through all this and I remember clear as day all of the times that Levi would come home and tell me about Sarah complaining, or fights going on between the family, .etc.
I know he wasn’t making all that up, why would he have back then? I am very disappointed that he is allowing them to control him in such a manner.
Levi, please don’t do this to yourself and family again.
I am not afraid of the Palins. And yeah maybe it is just me up against a huge army of Palin supporters, but really what else can they take from me?
In the end the truth shall prevail.