Monday, July 12, 2010

A post about my hero, Sherry Johnston

Updated with Twitter link at bottom... I have been very busy with some personal stuff so I apologize for not writing more often but I hope to change that soon.

On another note I have a surprise post for you from my mother that will be going up later this week. It will be an exclusive look inside her life, and will discuss her illness, her diagnosis, her surgeries, and the many losses she has suffered.

Her story has had a huge impact on my life and made me a much stronger person, a much more independent person, and someone who really appreciates everything that I have in my life, such as my health, family, and friends.

It has not been easy on my brother and I growing up watching our mom in constant pain.

There was a time where she was completely bed ridden and she couldn’t even move. Her legs were all black and blue and we were terrified!

We watched her undergo surgery after surgery, seemingly on a weekly basis.

We often stayed with our Aunt and Uncle while our mother was in the hospital for weeks at a time, and our dad was on the North Slope, or on a trip out of town.

Going to doctor appointments and hearing each new diagnosis frightened us out of our minds. We began thinking that we are going to lose our mother because we were so young and didn’t know exactly what was going on.

Levi and I have often talked about how sad it is that this has happened to one of the most honest, loyal, loving, funny, beautiful, and kind people we have ever known, and it just killed us that our mom couldn’t be like other moms.

I remember one time specifically where I was holding my moms left arm, and Levi was holding her right arm, and we were helping her walk into the Carrs Safeway in Wasilla to get some groceries.

I was looking around when I saw young teens and their mothers also walking into the store. But they were laughing, and walking side by side, and throwing snowballs at each other, not struggling to help their frail mothers stand and walk like we were.

At that moment Levi and I looked at each other, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Unlike everybody else’s mother, our mom was sick and would probably never have the luxury of just playing with us. Or joining us in physical activities such as playing sports, running, or biking. She could never plan family camping or fishing trips because she is always in such excruciating pain.

I know she wishes more than anything that she was able to do those things, but she is simply in too much pain.

It has been extremely tough on us to understand why our mom can’t volunteer to accompany us on field trips, or go camping anymore, or take us to birthday parties and hockey games. But what has been even more difficult is trying to reassure her that, regardless of her limitations, she is still the best mother we could possibly ask for. And that we appreciate her for all that she has done for us, even when she was hurting so badly that she was unsuccessful in holding back her tears, which she secretly wiped away, while making our school lunches and hoping that we wouldn’t notice. But we did.

We have also learned to appreciate every moment that we get with her where she isn’t in so much pain that she can’t get up and do things with us. The moments when she is not hurting so badly that all she can do is lie in her bed crying, clenching her fists, curling her toes, groaning while rubbing her stomach in agony. It is literally one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever had to witness. Seeing the one that I love so very much, the one that literally gave me life, in so much pain is indescribable.

If it wasn’t enough that my disabled mother was taking care of two kids, as well as dealing with the loss of her parents, she then also had to deal with a very tough split from her husband of 23 years.

My dad had been engaged in an on again off again affair with a very heartless woman for many years.

That affair was harder on me then words could ever explain, or my dad could ever understand. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it was on my mom.

However being the superhero of a mother that she is, she tried not to show much emotion and to stay strong for us. To this day when I look at my mother I think to myself, how in the hell did she get through all of this? That is one strong, brave, incredible woman. I idolize her and consider myself truly blessed to be able to call her my mom.

Despite her physical impairments I wish that everybody could have a mother as wonderful as my mom.

On different note, a lot of people have been asking me to get a Twitter account and I want you to know that I have one.

I have not used it much in the past but I promise that I will start getting on it and using it more often in the future. I would really love it if my readers would also follow me on Twitter, and you can do so right here. I am not really all that familiar with Twitter but I will do my best to “Tweet”!


Upstate NY said...

A beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman. Thank you for being candid. And thank your Mom for allowing you to give the world a daughter's perspective on very private things. You are showing the world what the really important things in life are, and the world needs that lesson.

luckypink said...

Much love to you and your family, Mercede. You are such a wonderful person, it shines through in your writing. I think you're destined for great things. Shine on, Mercede.

MariaT said...

Thank you, Mercede, for a glimpse into your family life and for honouring your mother as you do. I would be proud to have you as a granddaughter!

AKRNC said...

Your Mother is so very fortunate to have such a warm, caring daughter as you. I feel equally blessed as my sons are very much like you in their attitudes and actions towards me. Children are such a special blessing and your Mother has been truly blessed with you, Mercede. Keep your head high, you truly deserve the wonderful life that is in store for you.

So many questions said...

Mercede you are such a loving daughter, I am sitting here wiping away tears because you bring back memories of my mother. Much love to you and your Mom, she is so lucky to have you. ((((♥))))

tallimat said...

Dear Ms. Sherry,
Will you be my mom too?


(nice piece Mercede, very nice...)

GrainneKathleen said...

a beautiful post, mercede. your mom is truly a superhero to be such a great mom through so many years of chronic pain. and you are lovely to notice how hard she struggles and how her love for you and levi moves mountains.
i too suffer from chronic, disabling pain - 6 years now, though i am slowly, slowly, through much work and slow paced healing, feeling better than i was at my worst, also bed-ridden and heart broken. my husband and i would still like to have children, though i might not be able to be the kind of mom that i always wanted to be, that is active outdoors with her kids and plays sports with them, even just the kind of mom that can pick up a four year old without painful repercussions. it is truly heartening to know that, at least in your case, it hasn't mattered, but rather, has given you a deeper insight into life and its preciousness.
your post brings tears. blessings to you and your mom and levi.

FEDUP!!! said...

{{{HUGGGSSS}}} to both of you, Mercede and Sherry!

Sherry, you have a daughter you can be very, very proud of! You have raised her right, with the right priorities!

Mercede: You are a girl worthy of being called a good daughter! You have your priorities in the right place. Do not lose track of them. Ever. No matter what life throws at you!

Lilybart said...

People don't understand pain and addiction. They think it is moral failure until it happens to them.

I am very sympathetic and hope your mother is managing her pain. Reiki can help. If she learned it for herself she would feel like she has a tool to help herself.

Best to you both.

DLBinPDX said...

You are a very sweet and loving daughter. I wish you and your mom all the best in the future.

Jazzy Jan said...

I second MariaT - I have some beautiful granddaughters (both inside and outside) and you would fit right in with them. They have the same sweet smile, caring heart and loving attitude that I sense in you. You would make any mother or grandmother proud!! Bless you and stay strong.

tewise said...

I haven't posted over here before I usually just put my post over at Gryphens. That post was absolutely moving. My heart cried for you because you are so young and I know absolutely what you are talking about. That could have been my post except I don't have any other siblings.

I just turned 50 and I miss my mom awfully bad. It is hard to watch a love one in so much pain, and depression every day, day in and day out and be so helpless it hurts because you have no control.

But I believe my relationship with my mom, because of her illness, was the most honest relationship it could be.
It is because you become entwined in that relationship almost as one, and I think a lot of other children will never have that relationship with their mom.

You have a very special relationship with your mom and thank you for sharing it. I think you are tremendously strong and there isn't a damn thing wrong with being independent. You stand up for what you want and what you know to be right and your soul will be light.

Hugs to the Johnstons said...

Hugs to you and your mom, Mercede! You paint a heartbreaking picture of what daily life must be like for you and your mom - and Levi, too, back when he lived with you.

Focus on the important stuff - taking care of you and your mom, your future, your education, your career.

No need to blog constantly. There can be so much pressure once you put up a blog to be updating it all the time - but that's more about US wanting to read your writing, and we need to have some patience between your updates since you must be going through a hell of a lot these days!

Hang in there.

mary b said...


That was a wonderful, beautiful post. You are a daughter to envy!!
My Mom went through very similar circumstances. She was in constant pain, one leg paralyzed and the other wracked with rheumatoid arthritis. Her husband, my Father, constantly cheated on her, gambled and beat her. She had a horrible life but always managed to stay upbeat. We never did get money from my Dad's paycheck. We would sometimes find furniture on the side of the road, refinish it and sell it in a constant garage sale. Mom was also very talented. She could knit, sew, crochet, quilt, working her fingers to the bone, literally. I only wish I had an ounce of her strength.
She passed away 4 years ago and I miss her more and more every day. Make sure you tell her you love her every single day. You won't regret it.
Now I am in pain. I have a messed up back that has been needing surgery for the last 6 years. I also have severe nerve damage in my neck making some days so painful that I cannot even get out of bed. I am also nearly deaf, but have finally gotten hearing aids that help a great deal. I only wish that my grown Children would show me the love and respect you do for your Mom. Believe me, I am speaking from experience. Your Mom knowing that you are there for her every single day helps lesson the pain.
Hold your head up high Sadie! You are a wonderful, beautiful young lady. I hope that your dreams become reality for you!!

HP said...

What a wonderful tribute to your mother! She's given you another wonderful gift, your appreciation of your time together. Reading your post and thinking back to my own teen years, I know I didn't appreciate my parents that way. I wish I had.

I am certain your mom is very proud of you.

Martha Unalaska Yard Sign said...

This post made me tearful. My own mother is such an inspiration to me. Her hardships experienced as a part Native child raised on a homestead in the Mat Valley, and her resolve to battle ignorance and racism in others as a highly educated adult put my own life challenges to shame. We almost lost her three times to cancer, and each time her spirit and strength won the day.

You shine! Your mother shines! I look forward to her post.

themom said...

I understand that in a small town everyone truly knows everyone's business. That is why it makes it so completely heinous that SP would allow this the family to suffer through the bogus charges against Sherry Johnston. That was no "coincidence". SP obviously prefers kicking a person when they are down with her 'ho heels. Thoroughly dispicable. Where that miscreation ogre lacks in compassion she has aptly filled with vitriolic venom. How can one be a proud American and fail to reach out a hand in benevolence? Malevolence thy name is Palin!

kevin said...

What a good honest loving daughter you are Mercede.

You know, up to this point, most of us had a low opinion of Wasilla, since all we knew about Wasilla was SP.

This story you put forth, man, it just shows so much compassion and character on you and your brothers part.

Its a mystery why these kind of things happen. Makes no sense, other people have healthy mothers, why can't you. But it is all mystery why this happens to some and not others.

My best wishes to you and your mother sherry, she should be proud of the daughter she produced. After reading this story, my opinion of Wasilla shot up, way up....because i have read this selfless loving story of pain hardship and mystery. My heart and prayers go out to both of you.

Gles said...

You go Mercede! I do believe you single handily will improve your mothers situation. There are so many people with ideas and answers ready to help if they only knew what was happening.

From your writing I know your Mom is a very proud woman with an iron will. Geez I admire that. Hugs to both of you.

Keep yourselves safe and please keep writing...the both of you.....

ManxMamma said...

Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. You are a testament to your mother's goodness. Love to both of you.

Cooky said...

What a beautiful and loving mother/daughter relationship.

Now, dear readers, sit back and think - contrast this loving, respectful relationship with that of Mrs. Palin and her unfortunate offspring. Is it any wonder that the Palin girl can barely contain her envy of the beautiful and compassionate Mercede?

Mercede, when I saw you on television calling Sarah Palin out for what she is, I knew. There you were, a teenage girl with bright clear eyes and no fear. I knew and I was right - you would be the last one standing, and the one they couldn't drag down.

So, dear readers, have you yet recognized the brilliance, the stunning capability of one Mercede Johnston? She doesn't mention the Palin clan, the daughter, the daughter's need to "claim" Levi and replicate her mother's marriage She doesn't mention anything like that at all.
She doesn't have to. Well done Mercede, well done.

All hail the most powerful woman in Alaska! Team Mercede.

ks sunflower said...

What a beautifully written heartfelt posting. Thank you for touching so many of us with the story of your family's struggle with chronic pain. It's true, that constant, horrific pain affects every single person in the family and it brings forth the true character and spirit of each family member.

There is a saying that each difficulty is really a blessing in disguise. Few people understand it and fewer still accept it. It seems that your family has been blessed by your mother's chronic pain in that it deepened your understanding of live and love, brought out the best in each of you, and created a special bonds between you and your mother that will sustain you your entire life.

Your mother is a remarkable woman. She not only endured the pain, she rose above it. You are a remarkable daughter because instead of ignoring the challenge or running away from it or becoming bitter, you embraced the challenge and learned from it. Blessings be to both of you - and to Levi as well. He may have strayed, but he will come back perhaps with a deeper appreciation of you both.

Amy_in_Wasilla said...

Dear Miss Mercede and Miss Sherry,

I believe this is the heart of your story. Get some writing support and you have the strong workings of a book worth printing.

Some books I'd recommend reading to help you explore your writing style are: Where is the Mango Princess by Cathy Crimins and Broken Cord by Michael Dorris.

Best wishes to you.


Erica said...

You are amazing !
Maybe when you and Sherry are able to travel,you can visit with all your new friends . I live in Dallas with my two daughters your age.
2 years ago Alaska wasn't at all important to me but now I am totally loving your family.I wish we could all surround you and protect you.Thanks for sharing.
I still can't believe you were all minding your own business and the next minute you were plucked out of your small town and being poked and judged by the whole world and Sarah never said....."I am sorry "

Meg said...

Thank your for sharing some of your mom's story. She's clearly a strong, loving, awesome mom. Despite the challenges your family has faced, you can count yourselves among the lucky to have each others' love and admiration. Stay strong, Mercede and mom!!

curiouser said...

Mercede - You've managed to write about your difficult experiences very descriptively, drawing me into your story. I sense your pain and fear but there's not even the slightest hint of whining or self-pity...just lots of love and respect. Many thanks for sharing your story. It's a tribute to you, your mom, and Levi.

krbmjb05 said...

Beautiful post Mercede! I'm sure your mother adores you as much as you do her. You both understand unconditional love. You life will be much richer with the compassion and love you have in your heart! Don't let ANYONE take that from you.

Look forward to your Mom's post.

Guest said...

You're a good daughter, Mercede. Looking forward to your mom's post and more of yours.

MadasHelinVA said...

Mercede, I would have preferred to write this 'directly' to you as opposed to having everyone see it as I am not looking for pity or anything, just trying to HELP your mom through you.

Oh honey, I KNOW what your mom is going through - I have been going through one back surgery [13 thus far with plates and screws in my neck and lower lumbar and thoracic areas making me set off alarms in airports and courts] after another from the age of 26 to the present of 67, with approximately 45 other surgeries interspersed throughout those years [I've spent more time in hospitals than I have at home]. However, I had a Synchromed Morphine Pump implanted into my stomach when I was around 40 y/o, and although it does not COMPLETELY alleviate ALL the pain, it takes a lot of it away because it has 'leads' which go directly into the spinal canal where it can do the most good.

Your mom needs to find an anesthesiologist group who specialize in Pain Management - your hospital should have such a group and they can implant a morphine pump in her stomach to alleviate most of that pain. A lot of times these pumps are used to help people who have cancer or who are in the last stages of life [although that is not your mom's illness, but pain is very real and physicians are aware of how difficult it is to live in constant pain]. My last back surgery has left me with very little quality of life as I literally cannot bend [even a little bend is worse than a full bend; I can hardly make our bed with clean linens, I can't stand at my kitchen sink and decap strawberries without being in such severe pain that I end up crying when I am finished. But, that is another story - quality of life. I do KNOW your mom's quality of life would be very much INCREASED if she had this pump. So please call your hospitals and ask about it or contact your anesthesiology group and ask if they handle 'pain management'. The downside of this pump is that once it is implanted, one must return for 'refills' approximately every 2 months [depending on the pump capacity; it operates with an internal computer and is about the size of a tuna fish can] which makes one feel as though you are connected by umbilical cord to your physicians.

You are a wonderful daughter to be so concerned about your mom's health and trying to lighten her load as much as possible. I know you love her and I'm certain she loves you [and Levi] more than words can adequately express, so hang in there honey because this pump could make an incredible difference in your lives. Once again, I wish you both hugs and the best in life. Please follow through with this info as I know it will make such a change in your lives.

Extreme2010 said...


Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is interesting to read your personal stories, the good and bad, and how you have evolved and grown as a result.

You are one very strong young lady, keep it up. You are lucky to have a mother who is looking out for your well being. Although I am very much on my own in the military, my father still checks up on me from time to time to see how I am doing.

Your mother raised a very good young lady, I am so very proud of you. Stay headstrong, and may God bless you both.

omomma said...

This certainly puts a new light on alleged drug possession, doesn't it? Kind of makes you wonder. . .

K.M.O. said...

My heart goes out to you and your mom (and mary b. who commented at 9:40 am and MadasHelinVA at 2:51 pm).

I am currently caring for my own mother who has a back fracture, so I know that even while love is the driving force behind our caregiving, it can be also be very tough.
The difference in my situation is that my mother is 85 and I'm 62. We had many active years together before her back problems.
You are so young. I admire you for your resolve to help her through this ordeal.
Sending you a virtual pat-on-the-back. You deserve it!

HeathCL said...

My mother suffered the ravages of Multiple Sclerosis while I was growing up. She also became addicted to Valium prescribed for her anxiety and nervousness caused by MS. It helped at first, but then made her (and our) life even worse.

People who have not had to deal with chronic pain and illness know nothing of the hellish toll it takes on the family involved. Some of these people can be very judgmental and cruel in their ignorance.

Despite the pain of the situation, it made me and my siblings stronger, more compassionate, and more able to see the truly important things in life. Take care, and be proud of yourself and your family.

Deb said...

The tears are running down my cheeks. You and your mom deserve love and wonderful things in your life. After reading this, I can't even begin to imagine how Levi could abandon you or Bristol could attack you. Shame on both of them.

Blessings, love and prayers come to you and your mom!

Celia Harrison said...

Wow Mercede, you are amazing. I already knew your mother was the opposite of what they tried to make her look like. If she was not an honest person they would not have bothered to target her. They had to set up a scenario which they could use to discredit her. Something which the news media can use to demonize works best for them. Then they can use the negative thing so whatever your mother or you might say can be discredited. They knew they could not control you to help paint the picture of the Palins they wanted the country to believe in. That was their plan, but it did not work out for them very well. They had no idea who they were dealing with did they? Those in power often use the justice system to try and make someone look like something they are not. Truth and justice are like oil and water in this country. A good person who does something out of desperation with a lot of mitigating circumstances is still a good person. Those who have never been in a desperate situation have a hard time understanding this. I think it is great that you are standing up for your mother and telling the truth about her. They destroy a lot of people with this kind of propaganda.
I know myself what it is like to live with chronic pain and there is a lot of prejudice against people with pain issues and even those on disability, even from doctors. You are ill and and already in misery, then people try and make you feel bad about being on disability. Trying to live on disability income is a huge challenge in many ways.
You have gained wisdom through this experience that it took me until I was in my 50s to get. Never believe anything until you examine the facts(realize the facts may not even be the real facts), and read between the lines. The thing they don't understand is they increase the resolve to tell the truth when they lie about people exponentially. By having the courage to tell your story you are helping a lot of people.

lynn said...

It sounds like you and Levi had to parent your momma, in addition to yourselves, though by no fault of your mom. She did the best she could and gave you the love you needed to become the self-assured, morally centered young woman you have become. Stay strong and true.

MissSunshine said...

I admire you for standing by your Mother when she needed your help, when you were just a young kid yourself. I hope she getting good medical care, and best wishes to you both.

d c woo said...

Very nice, and lots of love to you and your mom. She is a great woman and you are a great daughter. Looking forward to her writings, always in our prayers.

d c woo said...

and remember, you have many things that the palin money can never buy, one of them is a true and honest love. And another one is respect. I still can't understand why your mom can't have her freedom, when another wassila woman can travel the country at will trying to destroy this great country of ours.

Susie said...

I don't know if you have already covered it in another post or not, but I haven't heard why your mother is in all the pain that she has been in over the years. Does she have some type of neurological disease or back injury? There are pain centers who specialize in non-medicinal pain relief, and I hope she has found one to get the relief that she needs.

sky said...

I feel your your pain and your mothers's. I have been in your shoes before. It took years for me to recover.

I read your post in the morning at work, I could not comment. You left tears rolling all over my face.
I had to excuse myself because my boss thought I had lost somebody in death.
I wish you all the best. You and your mom Rock.

I was rewinding my data in my head, and recalled every bad name reported on your mom.This makes me very angry thinking of all the name calling of white trash by those who feel they deserve better than others.
Shame on Sarah Palin,I can not still find the type of god that she worships.

Sarah if you are reading this, I am telling you, that you are far from being a christian. You called the Johnston family white trash. I think you owe Sherry an apology.
Shame on you. And by the way you do not represent a mother like me.

Mercede Good things will come your way and your mom.


Mrs. J. said...

Warm wishes and love to the two of you! Your mom deserves some good karma! Sending it here way!

Tania said...

Mercede: I'm horrified to hear about how the extent of this goes. I wait to hear about the diagnosis and treatment later in the week: I say this as someone that has experienced similar things t your mother, albeit likely less severe for me since I am younger but in all honestly last year after a very painful stay in hospital for three weeks (for a ruptured stomach caused by taking anti inflammatories for years for my constant pain); the doctors tried to tell me the pain was from my stomach not
my back and inferred albeit kindly that I was exaggerating. I wish I had: I lived in pure unspeakable agony for so long: it was so terrible it changed my personality from easy go lucky bubbly young girl to being a wisp of a person without energy or personality, every day was a struggle to
get out of bed. I was formally requested by my workplace to resign as I was so extremely ill and in agony every day.
When I finally got out of
hospital and after the drugs had worn off
my pain came back as bad as ever. The stress was so
great from the pain coupled with the utter helplessness I had from of course being unable to take most painkillers, at least in the doses I needed (no anti inflamatories ever again!); much of my beautiful long hair just fell out in clumps from the stress. At the end my hair was so thin (as was my body) people stared constantly as though they had a right.
I understand what it is like for your poor lovely mother; to suffer and have no one around that can ever truly understand that suffering. It's horrifying. Beyond all description horrifying. Which is why it's so wonderful you are there for her. I didn't have anyone that understood.
Once your mum posts her post I will do all
I can to suggest new solutions to you to help her.

AlaskaSundog said...

Hi Mercede, glad to see you're back & posting. This is how your mom raised you --standing tall, proud & capable. Family matters in the "spiritual" sense. This is something Palin will never comprehend, psychopath that she is. And for the cruelty she uses to control, humiliate or harm, even her own, she will die alone, miserable and lying in her own "filth", despite her money. Unless, of course, someone targets, loads & kills her for the predator she is before she attains old age or dememtia. I'm not negative, just the facts, and words that Palin herself has used. Being agnostic & not christian, I don't have to forgive -- cuz I don't. Anyway, have a good day & another good tomorrow. A Chugiak neighbor who looks forward to reading your next post.

katie said...

Much love to you and your Mom.
You are a beautiful girl inside and out.

CAgal said...

Thanks for inviting us in to share a little slice of your life with mom. Chronic pain can be absolutely debilitating. You are good to each other and you obviously enjoy a lovely mother-daughter relationship.

kevin said...

Mercede I have read the comments and am taken aback by the heartfelt sincerity i find on your blog.

Far from being "white trash" and your mother are an example to the rest of us, of how good Christian people behave and how they selflessly help each other. Can you imagine what this USA would look like, if each citizen had the kind of compassion I see in your story?

Truth always wins in the end Mercede. While SP has called your family "white trash".....look at the responses to this story. The truth is starting to win here as it always does. Your family is not white trash, your family is an example to many many others in this country, including the Palin clan, as to how to live a truly compassionate and christian life.

My heart and prayers go out to you and your mom, and I want you both to know, the slander that was said about you and your family is melting away as folks read your story from your own words. Truth always wins out over lies. Always.

MissSunshine said...

Easy there, AKSunDog. SP has a long record of lies and treachery and they WILL catch up to her. Any violence against her would only confirm the paranoid fears of her little zealot followers.

SP's worst enemy is herself, and as her "charms" fade her inner greed and hatefullness toward all those she can not control or bully will only become more apparent.

That said, Mercede, if you don't feel safe in Wasilla, MOVE. Don't risk yourself and your Mom's well-being because of an out-of-control psychopath like Palin. The best antidote to her nastyness is to live free and happy.

Peace to all, and remember we make our own karma day by day.

Jan said...

Are you going to comment on Levi's engagement to Bristol?

krbmjb05 said...


If Ex 1/2 term governor Palin is truthful, Bristol with her "belief in redemption and forgiveness" will also embrace you and your mom and let you see Tripp!! Please let us know if this happens. I hope it does!!

Otherwise, she's the same old liar as usual!!

M Barker said...

I completely understand what your mother must be going through. I am an older, about the same age as your mother, and have had serious back and leg problems ever since being involved in a serious traffic accident. The accident wasn't my fault, but should be a lesson to everyone that anyone can end up in this type of situation. I too have been, and currently still on narcotics such as oxycotin and hydrocodone. Fortunately, they do help with the pain without giving me a "buzz". I too have had many surgeries and wish never again to see the inside of a hospital. I can, however, understand your mother selling her drugs inorder to get extra cash if she was under a serious financial burden, although I have never done so and I don't expect I ever will. Although, if I found myself in a serious finincial bind, I suppose it would be very tempting knowing that I could probably get $100 for just a days worth of my drugs. Fortunately I'm not in that serious of a financial situation, but even if I was I don't know how I could get by even a couple of days without the drugs, having that level of pain. Fortunately I have a very conscious pain doctor who pays close attention and is not one to write unnecissary prescriptions.
I wish your mother the very best, and wish there was a way we could exchange e-mails to support one another when we are down due to pain, but I don't know how I could give her my e-mail address without giving it to the rest of the world. Just let your mother know there are others out there who know what the pain is like that she suffers from, and let her know I wish her the very best.

Mercede said...


Ben said...

I will pray for her. I had recently helped a Stage 4 cancer patient, her name is Sharon. She was helping a longtime elderly family friend, Mr. Nelson, until he was admitted to a nursing home in October, 2009. I was up at the food store getting my Grandmother's groceries when I saw her almost fall going from the cart to the shelf to get a can of corn. I caught her under her arms and helped her back to the cart. I told her that she shouldn't be out, and she said that she didn't want to be a burden on anybody. She was pretty weak then. She needed assistance in the bathroom because she was too weak to get her pants down on her own. I had helped her to the store restroom by the floral and produce sections. She leaned on the sink while I helped her with her pants. I have been going to her apartment to help her while her friend/roommate works (her friend gets off of work at 5 pm EDT and usually gets home about 30 minutes after that). I did make sure that she had a bath (she was too weak for a shower) before her friend got home. I take after my Grandmother on that front. Her apartment is within walking distance from my house, so I didn't even bother taking the car unless she had a doctor's appointment. What was worse, her kids didn't even show the interest in helping her that you are showing your mom, even though she was a teenage mom and raised her kids. She passed away on July 7, 2010. She was 35 years old. I was one of her pallbearers. I wish your mom the best.

Ellen said...

Where is the Mango Princess by Cathy Crimins , referenced by Amy In Wasilla (?), is an AMAZING book, doubling down on that recommendation.

This is a beautifully expressed piece, and if anyone who matters, including the self-appointed "Team Levi" or even Levi himself, dare want this blog to disappear, they are doing not only a monumental disrespect to you but to your mom and your love for her.

This piece shows that if you are open to it (well, clearly YOU are, but...), love is stronger than hate and can persevere.

Best of luck to you and your mom.

bubbles said...

you are a sweet baby. hugs to you and mother.

EagleRiverAlaska said...

I can honestly say after reading your blog you are not 'Palin bashing', just expressing frustration and answering questions that people have wanted answers to. My belief is that you are a genuine person, a girl who is also maybe hurting a little or alot. I think it is very noble of you to stay in Wasilla and help your mother, not many teenage girls would be willing to 'step up' like you indeed have. This is an attribute I commend. I am a Palin supporter, but I think it is unfortunate that the Palin clan has not 'stepped up' in regards to you and your mother and the hurt and exploitation you have been exposed to. Christian love encompasses more than mere 'I forgive' and 'putting the past in the past'. I think there should have been resolve, out of 'Christian love', to this situation. I believe your brother loves you and your mom very much, he is a parent now and has decisions to make and a child to love and care for. I honestly belive B and your brother are doing what they believe is best for their son. I only wish as a Palin supporter living in Alaska, that the family and people involved would make ammends and show genuine 'Christian love', as they proclaim. I find nothing hateful in your blog, I cannot fathom why B would send a comment like this on fb, she knows better. If indeed it was really her. I have found this to be true in life 'It's not what you've done, what did you do with what you did'. Have integrity, move forward, let God be in control. I hope these issues get resolved for everyone's sake. Praying for ya'll. You are a Good Person! God Bless

AlaskaSundog said...

Again, I believe this was payola for Bristol, tho maybe it wasn't too difficult. She left the compound with a $250,000 condo + new vehicle. She needed to secure Levi's silence & compliance. Not too hard to do actually, with a guy thinking with his dick & for his son. It's too bad that to silence him , Palin had to silence you, Mercede. I'm glad you're strong enough to do the right thing & not to fold. Palin needs a respectable family for a 2012 run & that includes a married daughter, esp. if Bristol is pg again. Far from not knowing, they were together, I believe Palin orchestrated it. Please note that Bristol solicited the magazine. She told them everything that Palin wanted them to know, including that Levi lied --but did he really? I don't think so. This is how Bristol is earning her condo & freedom. It's too bad for Mercede but if she backed down, she'd still be treated poorly. So, for sex & son, Levi capitulates to Bristol. Predictable yet sad. After 2012 ??????? Meanwhile,Tripp gets a daddy & is too young to know he's an idiot. Rex Butler is proof that a bigger force than Levi is pulling the strings. But folks, we all know of Rex as an ambulance chaser. Did he ever have Levi's true interests at heart NOT. He's probably padding the account cuz certainly Levi wouldn't know. Keep charging Rex. Anyway, till I read more, all this is my supposition based on psychology, experience, common sense (take that Sarah), & watching ,researching, & analyzing Palin for some time now. I'm not cynical, yes, I am, but that's sometimes necessary when dealing with the real world -- not the world we want or that should be. Waiting for Mercede's post on today's news, hasta la vista from a Chugiak neighbor.

Midnight Cajun said...

I'm sorry for all that you and your mother missed out on over the years, but one has only to look at Bristol and Sarah to appreciate how special what you do have really is.

I have two questions: First, do you think Trip could have been premature? He looks like a preemie in the hospital photos we have seen. Second, where did your family come from, before you moved to Alaska?

Eileen said...

I have followed your family's story from Palinsdeception blog and Palingates, among other AK and mainstream sources. You make this Alaskan proud. You have more balls than your still maturing and easily duped brother. But also more brains and beauty than any of the familiar Palin clan characters. You are genuine and a real Alaskan authentic gal. Thanks for that. Keep telling the truth, watch your back and the country thanks you for your honesty and for not selling out truth for bucks or fame. However, if the time comes and you can make a decent dime for telling your truthful story-do it and I will not hold it against you-book or magazine. It will be worth reading compared to the BS hypocritical dribble that leaks out of Bristol, Sarah and all things Palin. Hello to your strong mom who wishes her son would grow up and smell the coffee.

Tom Degan said...

Could Sarah Palin actually be the GOP nominee in 2012?

Last week on his MSNBC program, Hardball, Chris Matthews (whom I think is one of the smartest sons-of-bitches out there) laid out the scenario in black and white:

1. Our Miss Sarah makes a good showing - and perhaps even wins - the Iowa Caucuses due to the heavy presence of the evangelical vote in that state.

2. She can't possibly beat Mitt Romney near his home turf in the New Hampshire primary, but she takes a respectable second place - which causes the Romney campaign to implode overnight.

3. Next stop: South Carolina - where the average voter in any given Republican primary has the IQ of a bag of soiled laundry. Remember 2000? It was in South Carolina where the people practically handed the nomination to George W. Bush, thus obliterating the candidacy of John McCain - who until that moment had been the presumptive nominee. By this point Sarah has all the momentum she needs to glide handily to the convention and the nomination.

Could it actually happen? My luck has never gotten that good! But what a treat that would be: FASCIST BARBIE as the nominee of a major political party? A woman who quit her job as governor of Alaska in order to make a quick buck (in fact many millions of them) and then had the gall to blame the naughty liberal media for her decision to bail out on the people of that state? Such a possibility would be too good to be true! Oh, please, fate! Oh, please! Oh, please! Oh, please!

Please bear in mind that I only wish her the nomination because she could never get elected. Her candidacy would only guarantee the reelection of Barack Obama come Election Day, right?....RIGHT??? I'm still enough of a cockeyed optimist to believe in my heart that the American electorate wouldn't do something as drastic and foolish as sending Gidget von Braun to the White House.

Tom Degan

Helen said...

Your mom is certainly a worthy hero - and she must have been a great role model to have raised such a sweet, feisty, loving and loyal little girl.

Anise said...

Ah, my heart goes out to you. I remember my childhood vividly in similar circumstances. My sister and I had to not run too far ahead, Mum could not keep up with us on legs that polio had ravaged. When she was having petite-mal seizures, we had to be very quiet so she could rest.

How blessed your mother is to have you.

Kathy said...

Your post really touched my heart. My mother had severe rheumatoid arthritis, so my childhood was spent trying to understand why my mom couldn't play with us or walk around amusements parks without pain.

As I got older, I'd wake up in the middle of the night to her sitting at the kitchen table, because she was in too much pain to sleep. My mother was the strongest person I've ever known. She never complained or expected pity--she just got up every day and did the best she could. I hope I'm half the wife and mother she was!

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