Monday, July 12, 2010
Updated with Twitter link at bottom... I have been very busy with some personal stuff so I apologize for not writing more often but I hope to change that soon.
On another note I have a surprise post for you from my mother that will be going up later this week. It will be an exclusive look inside her life, and will discuss her illness, her diagnosis, her surgeries, and the many losses she has suffered.
Her story has had a huge impact on my life and made me a much stronger person, a much more independent person, and someone who really appreciates everything that I have in my life, such as my health, family, and friends.
It has not been easy on my brother and I growing up watching our mom in constant pain.
There was a time where she was completely bed ridden and she couldn’t even move. Her legs were all black and blue and we were terrified!
We watched her undergo surgery after surgery, seemingly on a weekly basis.
We often stayed with our Aunt and Uncle while our mother was in the hospital for weeks at a time, and our dad was on the North Slope, or on a trip out of town.
Going to doctor appointments and hearing each new diagnosis frightened us out of our minds. We began thinking that we are going to lose our mother because we were so young and didn’t know exactly what was going on.
Levi and I have often talked about how sad it is that this has happened to one of the most honest, loyal, loving, funny, beautiful, and kind people we have ever known, and it just killed us that our mom couldn’t be like other moms.
I remember one time specifically where I was holding my moms left arm, and Levi was holding her right arm, and we were helping her walk into the Carrs Safeway in Wasilla to get some groceries.
I was looking around when I saw young teens and their mothers also walking into the store. But they were laughing, and walking side by side, and throwing snowballs at each other, not struggling to help their frail mothers stand and walk like we were.
At that moment Levi and I looked at each other, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Unlike everybody else’s mother, our mom was sick and would probably never have the luxury of just playing with us. Or joining us in physical activities such as playing sports, running, or biking. She could never plan family camping or fishing trips because she is always in such excruciating pain.
I know she wishes more than anything that she was able to do those things, but she is simply in too much pain.
It has been extremely tough on us to understand why our mom can’t volunteer to accompany us on field trips, or go camping anymore, or take us to birthday parties and hockey games. But what has been even more difficult is trying to reassure her that, regardless of her limitations, she is still the best mother we could possibly ask for. And that we appreciate her for all that she has done for us, even when she was hurting so badly that she was unsuccessful in holding back her tears, which she secretly wiped away, while making our school lunches and hoping that we wouldn’t notice. But we did.
We have also learned to appreciate every moment that we get with her where she isn’t in so much pain that she can’t get up and do things with us. The moments when she is not hurting so badly that all she can do is lie in her bed crying, clenching her fists, curling her toes, groaning while rubbing her stomach in agony. It is literally one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever had to witness. Seeing the one that I love so very much, the one that literally gave me life, in so much pain is indescribable.
If it wasn’t enough that my disabled mother was taking care of two kids, as well as dealing with the loss of her parents, she then also had to deal with a very tough split from her husband of 23 years.
My dad had been engaged in an on again off again affair with a very heartless woman for many years.
That affair was harder on me then words could ever explain, or my dad could ever understand. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it was on my mom.
However being the superhero of a mother that she is, she tried not to show much emotion and to stay strong for us. To this day when I look at my mother I think to myself, how in the hell did she get through all of this? That is one strong, brave, incredible woman. I idolize her and consider myself truly blessed to be able to call her my mom.
Despite her physical impairments I wish that everybody could have a mother as wonderful as my mom.
On different note, a lot of people have been asking me to get a Twitter account and I want you to know that I have one.
I have not used it much in the past but I promise that I will start getting on it and using it more often in the future. I would really love it if my readers would also follow me on Twitter, and you can do so right here. I am not really all that familiar with Twitter but I will do my best to “Tweet”!