Wow, have the last few weeks been full of surprises or what?
For some time now I have been wanting to put up my mom’s guest post but there has been so much breaking news I am going to have to put that aside until later next week.
Right now I think I have to address the situation concerning Lanesia Garcia.
Lanesia is my brother’s former middle school girlfriend. During their relationship she and I grew close and became good friends, and remained so even after they broke up.
We used to hangout all the time, but since Levi and Bristol got together that first time it has been hell trying to spend time with her.
Bristol and Lanesia use to be friends before Lanesia and Levi broke up. But once they split, and Levi and Bristol got together, Bristol became extremely jealous of Lanesia and no longer wanted anything to do with her. She completely dumped Lanesia as a friend leaving Lanesia feeling betrayed and deeply hurt.
During Levi and Bristol’s entire relationship I have continued to maintain a friendship with Lanesia, and even worked with her for a brief time period. But Bristol simply could not accept that. She would get angry and even yell at Levi, me, and even my MOM for associating with Lanesia.
Here is part of an interview I did back in February about the text messages from Bristol to Levi. That's my mother in the background saying "We all cried."
Out of respect for Bristol, and knowing how it felt to be worried about somebody’s ex, I never had Lanesia come over while Levi was home, although I thought that was pretty stupid. However it just wasn’t worth listening to one of Bristol's temper tantrums.
As a result I would rarely hangout with Lanesia, and if I did it was mostly at her house or we would go out and do something around town.
Believe it or not Bristol would have her friends on the look out for Lanesia’s vehicle at our house. If somebody saw her car I would get random threatening texts from Bristol. She just could not get over the fact that I was still going to be her friend and that I was not going to let her control me.
I find it very immature for Bristol to tell me who I can, and can’t be friends with based on their past relationship with my brother.
To be honest Lanesia and I were not friends when she and Levi first got together. Being the protective sister that I am I really did not warm up to her for quite awhile. But over time she grew on me and I gained a great deal of respect for her. I eventually learned how kind Lanesia was and how much we had in common.
For example ever since the first Christmas and Valentines Day that Levi and Lanesia spent together as a couple, she has always gone out of her way to get a gift for my mother and I, and we would always get her one too.
Now it is kind of like a tradition. Every Christmas and Valentines day I always have a special gift or two from my friend Lanesia.
Well this has always presented a huge problem when it came to dealing with Bristol.
Here is an example of what I am talking about:
It was February 14th 2009 and I was just about to head off to my then boyfriends house (He was going to take me out to dinner and then we were going to go over and watch movies at his house), when I noticed a missed call from Nesia.
I called her back and she asked if she could stop by.
Knowing Levi wouldn’t be home for a few hours, and that I had a few minutes to spare before I had to leave, I said “yes of course” and told her that I had something for her when she arrived.
About five minutes later she pulled up. When I answered the door I saw her standing there with two huge beautiful bouquets’ of flowers. Orange for me, because she knew its my favorite color, and purple for my mom, because that is her favorite. (I think we got her flowers and a teddy bear.)
After we exchanged gifts and chatted for a bit, we walked out together and both left the house at the same time. She was only at our house for about 5-7 minutes.
After my boyfriend and I returned from dinner, and were back at his house watching movies with his mom and step dad, I noticed a few text messages on my phone from Bristol.
This is what she wrote, “How f**king dumb could you be to have Lanesia stop by your house? You will never see your nephew again!” and about four other texts that were just as hurtful and filled with rage.
I let my boyfriend read them as I just sat stunned with disbelief. He read it out loud to his parents and his mom said you should text her back and tell her to grow up.
I contemplated replying but decided not to because, no matter what I say, it will never be good enough. I obeyed her demands, and didn’t have Lanesia come over while Levi was home there so we wouldn’t have a problem, and it still was not enough.
I tried not to let the messages ruin my night as I sat and finished watching the movies with my boyfriend and his parents. Afterward, around 10 PM I returned home. As soon as I walked in my front door I automatically I felt that something was wrong.
As I entered the house I saw my brother laying on the living room couch with this kind of puzzled, upset look on his face, which I had not seen since we were kids and overheard our parents discussing getting a divorce.
Because Levi is such a private person I decided not to ask him any questions and instead went upstairs to ask mom if she knew what was wrong.
She stood up and said “Guess who called me?”
I had no idea and asked “Who?” She said “Bristol! And she exploded and went off on me”.
I was pretty shocked and more than a little confused. “Why? What did she say?” I asked.
Mom told me, with tears running down her face in anger, that Bristol had called her and exploded in anger, screaming at her and saying “How dare you allow Lanesia to stop by your house!”, and that was the reason we will never see Tripp, because “girls like that are stopping by!” She then claimed that we had a chaotic f**cked up family and then went on to compare Lanesia, Levi’s teenage middle school girlfriend, to the woman my father had cheated on my mother with.
I was in complete disbelief that my brother’s girlfriend/fiancé would call the grandmother of her newborn son and scream at her just because an ex-girlfriend of Levi’s had stopped by for a few minutes to drop off a gift. It was absolutely surreal.
I was so incredibly angry that I went straight downstairs to ask my brother what the heck was going on and how Bristol even knew Lanesia had stopped by?
Levi said that apparently one of her friends drove by and saw Lanesia’s truck at our house.
Levi looked extremely depressed and held up his cellphone saying “Look.”
I did as he asked and this is what I read. “Ever since the moment I found out I was pregnant I prayed to God you weren’t the father!”
I will not lie on my blog, so I will admit that I cried. I had quite a few tears streaming down my cheek as I hugged my brother and tried to comfort him.
I told him how sorry I was, and that I didn’t realize having my friend over would cause such turmoil. He said not to worry about it and it and that it wasn’t my fault.
My point in telling this story is to illustrate that Bristol has always had a huge problem with Lanesia and was always super self conscious when it came to her and Levi.
Since Levi and Bristol got back together he has now tried to contact me only twice.
Once demanding that I take my blog down, and the second was when he called my mom’s phone demanding that I give him Lanesia’s cell phone number so he could call her in front of Bristol and prove he isn’t the father of her unborn child. In response I told him that because I had been so desperate to see my nephew I hadn’t even talked to Lanesia in several months. I told him I did not even have her new number ( I could tell that I was on speaker phone and knew that Bristol was listening to make sure Levi did as she demanded).
He then asked “Have I been with Lanesia” (Obviously he was hoping that if I said he hadn’t been with her that would be enough to calm Bristol down.) I replied “ Well, Levi how would I know? Despite Bristol’s claims I don’t make you sleep with other women. But I believe with all my heart that you have not slept with her.”
Then he hung up on me. “Well” I thought “that’s the end of that!”
This all took place about a week or two ago. Yesterday I received several e-mails with links claiming Lanesia is currently pregnant with Levi’s kid.
I have talked to both Lanesia and Levi and both have said that is a lie.
Lanesia says she is 100% sure that she is pregnant with her boyfriend’s child and desperately wants all these rumors put to rest.
She says there is NO way that this child is Levi’s.
I do not think there is any way this child could be my brother’s either, although that would be a bitter sweet miracle. I say bitter because of the repercussions it would have on my brother and his relationship with Bristol, and sweet because I know Lanesia would love nothing more then to have my mother and myself in her child’s life because she knows we are very kind people who would be a great aunt and grandmother to her baby. Even if others may not agree.
Either way I am very happy for my friend Lanesia and just KNOW she will make a great mother.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The other day as I walked through our local Wal-Mart I happened to notice the most recent US Weekly magazine lined up on every single checkout line.
Feeling a little embarrassed I looked at the ground to avoid making eye contact with anybody who might happen to see the magazine, and recognizing me, want to ask me questions about it.
I walked away from the check out line and then decided to call my mom to ask if there was anything else she needed at the grocery store before I left. She named off a few items and then asked me if I had seen the magazine with Levi and Bristol there. I quietly whispered yes.
She then asked if I had read it. “No” I said. She asked me to buy it so she could read it at home. The LAST thing I wanted to do was buy it and increase their sales in any way, but it is really hard to say no to my mom..
But before I gave in and bought it for her I decided I needed to read it and see if it's worth spending my money on.
As I was looking over the photos and reading the first page I caught myself smiling.
“Why” you might ask?
I will tell you why. Because there was a big smile on both my brother and nephew’s faces, and they both looked extremely happy which could not help but make me happy as well.
Well at least I was until I got to the end where I was suddenly snapped back to reality.
One of the questions they asked of Bristol was, “How'd it (the relationship) officially end?”
Her response was, “I read a text message on Levi's phone from his sister about setting him up with one of her friends. I was pissed, like, "you know what? You don't have a job or an education, I'm not doing this with you." So we broke up. He saw Tripp every few months after that.”
As I read that and got very upset. I was in fact stunned.
Bristol has done some very harsh things to me, such as manipulating my brother into not speaking to me, but this was very hurtful, not to mention one of the biggest lies that has came out of her mouth yet.
I would NEVER have tried to split up their new family, and make Bristol bear the same pain that my mom endured when she was cheated on.
Regardless of how rocky our relationship was I would not wish that kind of pain on ANYBODY. And I certainly would never have done that to my new born baby nephew who I love with all of my heart.
I never wanted any of my friends to be with my brother while he was with Bristol and I am the last person to condone cheating because of all the pain I have experienced from my own father’s affair.
Everyone who knows me knows family is number one to me, and I hate cheaters more than anything! In fact I am still very upset by the fact that some of my so called "friends" used me to get closer to my brother and I still have trust issues from it.
Bristol, if your intentions are to slam me and play the victim in a national magazine, at least provide proof that I did indeed text Levi in an attempt to hook him up with one of my friends.
Oh, wait, you can't! Because it NEVER happened!
Please just get over the fact that some of my friends have previously been with Levi or you will NEVER have a healthy marriage with him.
And Levi, how dare you sit there and allow her to blame me for your whole break up!
You two need to take responsibility for your own actions.
Do you remember what it was like? You two fought every single day, called each other the harshest names imaginable, and not one bit of that was my fault!
Levi, I have had your back our whole lives, and I cannot believe you would let the whole world assume I am the bad guy when you know full well I had nothing to do with it! Take responsibility and stick up for your family! This is pathetic Levi, man up!
Recently Sarah claimed that "Bristol believes in redemption and forgiveness to a degree most of us struggle to put in practice in our daily lives."
But if that were the case then why still hold this grudge against me? Why?
Sunday, July 18, 2010
There were some interesting comments in the ADN from Rex Butler announcing that "Team Levi will no longer tell Mercede any information" and that I am "not privy to information from anyone with Team Levi."
From the very beginning I have had my doubts about Rex and Tank, and have often wondered if they had my family's best interests at heart or if they were really just trying to gain fame for themselves by using us.
Well all during this rollercoaster ride Rex and Tank have repeatedly tried to console me and remind me that all of us needed to stick together, and that we were a “family”.
They always promised they would be there for us and always have our backs. Well if that isn’t a joke I don’t know what is.
I clearly remember the number of times I would call Rex over and over again asking if he would go to see my mom at Hiland Mountain Correctional Facility and get her paper work done, or discuss potential options for her release. He would rarely answer my calls, never call me back, and the few times that I could get through he would say he had already gone to see her and was going back again very soon. But then I would go see my mother and she would look puzzled when I told her Rex claimed he had just visited her. Of course as it turned out he hadn't!
Only few times did he go to see her while she was in Hiland, and each time it was around MIDNIGHT and he would be so tired he would literally be falling asleep in his chair!
My mom was very concerned about me while she was incarcerated and Rex promised her that he, Tank, and Levi were taking care of my every need, and that I was doing even better than good.
In reality I was living all alone in a house, the bills for which I was unable to pay. I would receive daily notices that the electric bill was due, or that the heat was about to be turned off, and have absolutely no idea what to do about it. And always there were reporters and random strangers stopping outside of the house to take pictures or simply gawk, as if simply being there alone was not creepy enough!
Oh and did I mention that I was a fulltime student as well?
All the while as I was trying to figure out how I was going to buy enough gas to get to school, or buy something for dinner, or keep the lights on, Levi, Rex, and Tank were nowhere to be found. Despite what they were telling my mother, no one was watching out for me. Not even my own brother.
Believe it or not, Rex did not even know that my mom was getting out of jail until I called to inform him, and I am also the one who got her paper work together for her release.
He had no idea that Bristol and Levi were back together until I told him. In fact they had no idea about numerous things concerning Levi and Bristol until I called them, and only THEN did they know to take action.
Not once have they called to check on how my mom is doing now that she is out of Hiland. Not once!
There are numerous things to tell about the incompetence of Rex and Tank, but the main thing that I find upsetting right now is their claim that "Team Levi” will no longer inform me of what is going on after he spent the last year claiming that we are ALL one big family. Now if anyone should be a member of team Levi I would think that his REAL family would be #1 on that list.
Perhaps he is just upset that my mom and I refused to sign a three year contract with him. As if we would ever let him have control over our lives again!
I don’t know for sure, but what I do know is that Tank and Rex sure did get a lot of opportunities from their association with Levi. They got to be featured in magazines, walked the red carpet, and Tank even made a commercial for television while standing next to Levi.
Were they really looking out for Levi's best interests? Did they put his needs first? Or did they use him just to get a little fame and fortune of their own?
Who really has Levi's best interests at heart? The private investigator and attorney who will not return a phone call unless there is money involved? Or the mother and sister who have been on his "team" since back before he was famous, and only his friends and family knew Levi Keith Johnston, of Wasilla Alaska? I don't think that is very hard to figure out.
And do you know what? After everybody has taken their pound of flesh and moved on to greener pastures, WE will still be on his team. Because he really IS our family, and he always will be.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The other day I was awakened by my mother bringing me breakfast in bed because she was so touched by the post I wrote about her. What a great start to my day that was!
Well yesterday I was also awakened by my mother. But it was not breakfast she had in her hand. It was my laptop and on the screen was a beautiful picture of Levi, Bristol, and Tripp on the cover of US Weekly!
Not exactly the image I wanted to come face to face with when I first opened my eyes.
I looked up to see that my mom was very upset, with tears running down her face, yet still trying to console my other family members who were texting her and sending messages via Facebook saying they were very upset that they had to find out about this engagement from the media and not from Levi himself. I sent a message telling them not to feel too badly since even his own mother and sister had to find out that way.
I have to say with all the odd things going on lately I definitely expected something. However I think there may be more to this picture than we are able to see right now. I guess time will tell.
I would like to take a moment to congratulate my soon to be sister-in-law and big brother.
I sure hope this is a sincere decision that you have thought through carefully Levi, and that it will bring you happiness.
I do wish you guys would take a little more time with this decision, and I certainly do not understand why you are rushing things. Unless of course there is some reason for the hurry.
I am also very happy to see Tripp in Levi's arms again, and I do know that it will be good for him to have both of his parents back in his life full time from now on. And you know he really does deserve the best that you can provide.
I can’t wait to watch the two of you wed, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Bristol, if you ever feel overwhelmed with all the decisions involved with planning a wedding I would love to offer you my help. I am a very good event planner, decorator, and I have great taste.
My mother would also like to congratulate her son and soon to be daughter in law, and she hopes to see more of both of you as you plan for your big day. And obviously would also be thrilled to help plan the wedding!
We are going to be attending the wedding, right?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Updated with Twitter link at bottom... I have been very busy with some personal stuff so I apologize for not writing more often but I hope to change that soon.
On another note I have a surprise post for you from my mother that will be going up later this week. It will be an exclusive look inside her life, and will discuss her illness, her diagnosis, her surgeries, and the many losses she has suffered.
Her story has had a huge impact on my life and made me a much stronger person, a much more independent person, and someone who really appreciates everything that I have in my life, such as my health, family, and friends.
It has not been easy on my brother and I growing up watching our mom in constant pain.
There was a time where she was completely bed ridden and she couldn’t even move. Her legs were all black and blue and we were terrified!
We watched her undergo surgery after surgery, seemingly on a weekly basis.
We often stayed with our Aunt and Uncle while our mother was in the hospital for weeks at a time, and our dad was on the North Slope, or on a trip out of town.
Going to doctor appointments and hearing each new diagnosis frightened us out of our minds. We began thinking that we are going to lose our mother because we were so young and didn’t know exactly what was going on.
Levi and I have often talked about how sad it is that this has happened to one of the most honest, loyal, loving, funny, beautiful, and kind people we have ever known, and it just killed us that our mom couldn’t be like other moms.
I remember one time specifically where I was holding my moms left arm, and Levi was holding her right arm, and we were helping her walk into the Carrs Safeway in Wasilla to get some groceries.
I was looking around when I saw young teens and their mothers also walking into the store. But they were laughing, and walking side by side, and throwing snowballs at each other, not struggling to help their frail mothers stand and walk like we were.
At that moment Levi and I looked at each other, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Unlike everybody else’s mother, our mom was sick and would probably never have the luxury of just playing with us. Or joining us in physical activities such as playing sports, running, or biking. She could never plan family camping or fishing trips because she is always in such excruciating pain.
I know she wishes more than anything that she was able to do those things, but she is simply in too much pain.
It has been extremely tough on us to understand why our mom can’t volunteer to accompany us on field trips, or go camping anymore, or take us to birthday parties and hockey games. But what has been even more difficult is trying to reassure her that, regardless of her limitations, she is still the best mother we could possibly ask for. And that we appreciate her for all that she has done for us, even when she was hurting so badly that she was unsuccessful in holding back her tears, which she secretly wiped away, while making our school lunches and hoping that we wouldn’t notice. But we did.
We have also learned to appreciate every moment that we get with her where she isn’t in so much pain that she can’t get up and do things with us. The moments when she is not hurting so badly that all she can do is lie in her bed crying, clenching her fists, curling her toes, groaning while rubbing her stomach in agony. It is literally one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever had to witness. Seeing the one that I love so very much, the one that literally gave me life, in so much pain is indescribable.
If it wasn’t enough that my disabled mother was taking care of two kids, as well as dealing with the loss of her parents, she then also had to deal with a very tough split from her husband of 23 years.
My dad had been engaged in an on again off again affair with a very heartless woman for many years.
That affair was harder on me then words could ever explain, or my dad could ever understand. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it was on my mom.
However being the superhero of a mother that she is, she tried not to show much emotion and to stay strong for us. To this day when I look at my mother I think to myself, how in the hell did she get through all of this? That is one strong, brave, incredible woman. I idolize her and consider myself truly blessed to be able to call her my mom.
Despite her physical impairments I wish that everybody could have a mother as wonderful as my mom.
On different note, a lot of people have been asking me to get a Twitter account and I want you to know that I have one.
I have not used it much in the past but I promise that I will start getting on it and using it more often in the future. I would really love it if my readers would also follow me on Twitter, and you can do so right here. I am not really all that familiar with Twitter but I will do my best to “Tweet”!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I hope you all had a fun, relaxing, and safe 4th of July.
I took a nice camping trip up to Denali with one of my good friends (Denali is about three hours away from Wasilla, near Fairbanks).
I only stayed one night because I had to get back to my mother, but really I enjoyed my time away from it all.
I went four wheeling, roasted marshmallows, hiked, shared some laughter, and most importantly cleared my head and got away from all the drama that seems to overwhelm my life lately.
After about four hours of fun out on a four-wheeler I finally stopped someplace where there was a clear signal and checked my I-phone. I found that I had received a number of messages, but there was one which caught my attention, immediately made my heart beat faster, and brought a tear to my eye.
The message was from my mother saying that Levi, who has not spoken to us since he rekindled his relationship with Bristol (although we had attempted repeatedly to call or text him), left a message saying that if I did not take my blog down by Wednesday that I would never get to see him, or Tripp, again.
I could not believe it! I thought to myself if he was really willing to make such a threat that he would at least have the decency to call me and talk about it first. I mentioned on my blog repeatedly that my intention was not to hurt or attack the Palins, but to speak out and tell the public my side of the story. As well as how badly my life, and the lives of our family members, had been impacted by our association with the Palins.
It had my mind spinning. How could my brother threaten me like this?
He knows more then anybody how difficult things are, how much I need his help with my mother so I can attend college, and how much I love him and his son.
Why would he let this happen all over again? He denied he was controlled by Bristol, and wasn‘t allowed to talk to me or hangout with me, on the Larry King Show the first time this happened and I had to immediately correct him. And now he is allowing it to happen AGAIN!
My mother and I have always been there for him, and had his back with every decision he has made, whether we agreed with it or not.
Levi knows how much I love him. But for him to allow Bristol to control him and then threaten not talk to me AGAIN is devastating to me, and sadly unsurprising.
I knew this would happen the minute I learned that Levi and Bristol were back together, but when Levi saw me crying about it he promised it would not happen again. Like I said, I knew what was coming.
After I left the Denali campsite I had a long drive ahead of me which was a good thing. It gave me time to think, reevaluate, and try to make sense of this whole thing.
When I was just about home I came to a conclusion. I will not allow myself to be controlled by Bristol Palin like my brother is!
Even if I take my blog down and keep my mouth shut Bristol will not allow Levi and Tripp to be a part of my life. She will always have some excuse.
As much as it hurts to lose the ones who I love so very much, I know in the end they will be back.
I wish Levi could be the man I know he is and have a mind of his own and finally stand his ground, but I guess he is blinded by love. I just wish he would take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
How is it fair that I can’t speak my mind on a blog without Levi threatening to never speak to me again, but Bristol can go on Facebook daily and call me nasty names with no repercussions at all?
In the end all of this back and forth is doing nothing but confusing Tripp and keeping him away from the people who love him. Compared to allowing a little boy to receive love from BOTH sides of his family, our personal issues are petty.
I love you Levi and Tripp, and I will be right here waiting for you to see that MY love comes with no strings attached.
As for you Bristol I am sure this is not the outcome you were hoping for, but you should know that I don’t respond well to threats.
I am moving on with my life, and though I wish my brother would do more to help out with our mom, I know that I am incredibly tough. I have been through a lot in my life so far and I am confident I can manage a job, my mom’s schedule, and college without his help.
I will continue to blog, discussing both my life as well as current events, as I have found that it helps to alleviate my stress and allow me to put aside my problems for at least a little while.
I can go to bed at night knowing that I did everything I could for my family, including Levi and Tripp. I can sleep with a completely clean conscious, though I am not sure that others have that luxury.
To my mother and I family is #1 and blood is thicker than water, and I will always stand by that.
As for this new People magazine article where my brother “Apologizes to the Palins” I am extremely disappointed in him. Not only is he being controlled like a puppet, but saying that all of his comments and stories were lies is absurd!
I know for a fact that all of his comments were true. I lived through all this and I remember clear as day all of the times that Levi would come home and tell me about Sarah complaining, or fights going on between the family, .etc.
I know he wasn’t making all that up, why would he have back then? I am very disappointed that he is allowing them to control him in such a manner.
Levi, please don’t do this to yourself and family again.
I am not afraid of the Palins. And yeah maybe it is just me up against a huge army of Palin supporters, but really what else can they take from me?
In the end the truth shall prevail.